Foody's Year

Dear Blogging Friends,
Merry Christmas, one and all.
It has been a long time since I was here but I have not forgotten you. Actually most days I think of the blog and all my friends there in Blogland. I have felt bad about just disappearing but sometimes you just need time out. It's been a hard year and when I look back I think things just didn't really hit me at the time. I think I knew it then, in February and March and onwards, that I was coping and getting on with life just a bit too well. It felt as if it had all happened somehow outside of me and I was numb.  Then somebody said something in September which just made me fall right back. The person didn't mean to upset me and it didn't even relate to my own bereavement, but I got very down from that moment and I haven't really come out of it. People say to me 'Maybe you should 'speak to somebody' '. I don't really want to 'speak to somebody' so I have just told myself I need to try to pull myself up. It's what my hubby would have wanted.
I would like to catch up a bit in Blogland so I decided to do a quick 'round robin'. I've never done one of these before but I just it might be the thing for the blog, though now I read it, it looks a tad self-indulgent.
Before I begin: Every day, every hour, all I could think of for months was Ian's illness and passing. It still is foremost in my mind and when I am not immediately attending to something definite, that is all I think about. People say that can take years to leave you.
Sorry. Anyway here is a potted Foody's 2013. Some of it you already know, some you don't.
I am not usually one for such long posts but the occasion demands it, I feel.

January and February: Very uncertain times, very worrying and very sad, culminating in a great loss. You know the details so I won’t ‘go there’.

March: Hubby's birthday and our wedding anniversary fell in this month, and so did Easter. The cold wintry weather went on and on but I still went out to favourite places, to be quiet and remember. Somebody sent me some Easter choc hens to cheer me up, and so they did.
I also met some long lost friends from distant parts. They wanted to comfort me. That is some good that has come from all that horror: re-establishing lost friendships.

April: Finished my 'real' job - well, not saying I won't ever go back to the law, but couldn't work for that boss any more. Though the last few months were gruelling, they were a taste of freedom from full-time work and I didn't want to give that freedom up. Took to the road and visited Ayr (and stayed with blogging pal Ann!) and Glasgow. This is the Spirit of Scotland statue at Loudoun Hill in East Ayrshire, which I visited on the way from Ayr to Glasgow. I keep wanting to say that I also went through Strathaven and if you ever get a chance to go there, it's charming but the main thing for me was its palatial public loo!

This is a fuzzy view of Loch Lomond where my Glasgow friend took me walking.

And I did some local exploring.

May: I took part in the Race for Life in the pouring rain and raised over £500 for cancer research. Did an organised 25 mile walk locally (pic above) - not to raise money, it's just an annual long distance walk. I then joined the Long Distance Walking Association but haven't been on any more long ones - yet. Nice pic, shame about the power line.

June: Visited Normandy and Brittany. Was very impressed with Rennes' medieval architecture. Survived the anniversary of us being in this house. Did a few shifts working at a local riding centre while I thought about how to earn a little spare cash. I was finding I could exist without work but not really live, and if I can't afford the odd cup of tea in a cafe, or meal with friends, then that isn't really living.

July: Visited my 'auntie-in-law' Wells, Somerset and visited a friend in Northamptonshire. From there we went to meet an old friend in Oxford and spent a whole afternoon eating lunch and chatting. Upper pic is a view of the bishop's palace gardens in Wells, the other of the (?)Poldens from Mendip. I left 89 year old auntie-in-law sitting on a bench. 

Then I had my annual church walk at home and made a big tea, as usual, which took quite a few days to put together.
All this time, slowly getting to grips with the garden and getting the right tools to do it with. I couldn't start the petrol-driven brushcutter and got angry and swore at it. After a couple of times paying someone to garden, I bought myself a nice electric cutter, and now I'm away!
An old 'friend' came to stay and spent four days grilling me with intense questions and giving me unwanted suggestions and advice on what I should do with my life. I hadn't seen her for about 20 years and that reminded me why!

 August: I worked quite a lot in August, training as a market research interviewer, because it's easy and it's flexible so I can choose how little I want to do and can go away as much as I like. So off I went to Exmoor for the Exmoor Pony festival.
I joined a new singing group this month. We just do extracts from big opera and nothing else. Have been told I will be picked for any solos that have a bit of pathos in them as it seems to have become my forte. I really think it is my sad circumstances of October '12 to Feb '13 that have brought in this depth.

September: The 4th September is the day my hubby and I first met so I went a long walk in his memory. 

I then did a three day walk from Ludlow, Shropshire to Kington, Herefordshire, called the Mortimer Trail. I WISH I had remembered to put the above photo in the Kington calendar competition. I also visited Northumberland in September as well as getting my proofreading certificate. No, I didn't say I was doing this because I was worried I might not pass, so kept it quiet. I thought of it when hubby was ill, because I decided that even if he got better, it would still only be a remission for a year or two, so I was not going to return to my normal work as long as he was alive. Proofreading was something I could do at home to get a bit of money. However, he died sooner than expected so I needed that bit of money sooner than expected, hence the market research work, which I had to start before finishing the proofreading course. I do intend to proofread though, when I get time.

October: Had one guest bedroom redecorated. I have no 'before' picture, but it was cluttered, dark and grotty. I bought that furniture too and built it up all by myself. Because it's difficult access I couldn't find built furniture I could get up the stairs, so got this kids' self-assembly stuff but it's solid wood and really nice. (The pictures hadn't been put back on the walls yet. My Christmas guests will help with that.) I booked the same painter to paint the outside in the spring.
Got approval for replacement windows in the house so gave the carpenter the 'go ahead'. I have to have hand made ones to match the existing because the house is grade II listed.

November: Visited Herefordshire and stayed in a converted hop kiln which hubby and I used to love. That was hard. I got very, very upset at nights. However I wanted to go this year. If I left it too late I was afraid he wouldn't still 'be there'. I had beautiful days, just walking alone, sometimes in places we had loved and sometimes in new places. I made some lovely meals from local produce.
Was cast for the part of Grandma in Fiddler on the Roof in March 2014. No, not because I am old. Grandma is a ghost and the dead do not age. She may have died young, soon after having her child. But she is still a grandma to that child's children. See?

December: Had my birthday which I spent touring countryside and villages that hubby and I used to like. Went to a festive food fair in Kington and bought loads of stuff for Christmas. Spent time at Bredwardine under the spindle tree. I bought myself this picture on the same day, from a gallery in Pembridge we used to like to visit. I feel that I am that hare, gazing wistfully at the moon in the night. Can you see the flecks of gold paint?
Have basically cooked my way through December. Had the church sale and our food stall alone raised £360 for Shelter. Since then, have cooked and cooked and cooked for Christmas, which I'll spend here with my sis-in-law and her husband. They will have a nice fresh bedroom to stay in.
I have been carol-singing four times and have done my throat in as well as my leg - running up the stairs whilst carol-singing in the local hospital.
Went Christmas shopping in Shrewsbury, as he and I used to every year except last year, and bought myself an expensive techno present that I dread learning how to use! I'll show you it after Christmas as it's wrapped and under the tree right now.

That's it!

As for home, I have Ludo and the ponies to look after and I keep the garden and land. Some friends helped me get hubby's wildlife field in some order and I hope to keep it up myself from now on. Riding I have done a lot less of this year, but always intend doing more. I've been twice more to Midlothian to see my Dad and deal with his house. I have only mentioned the good things of this year, and when I look back myself I see that I really am blessed. I still have my life and my health, kind relatives (by marriage) and lovely friends and have the freedom to see and do so much and I have to live life to the full and do and see everything I want to, make peace with everybody, because who knows what's round the corner?.