Pushed and pulled

I feel I'm being pushed and pulled with everything this Christmas. Pushed by wanting to do things but pulled by my own inadequacy.

Food: This house is full of food. I am putting on quite a bit of weight and don't really want to keep stuffing myself, but on the other hand I love food. I have decided to just get all the darned stuff eaten as soon as possible so I can start dieting. I haven't the control to be someone who will religiously diet all week and then have one chocolate every Sunday night. So it's scoff, scoff, scoff now and then when it's eaten I'll begin a new regime.
(You've seen the chocs but this isn't all. I've omitted the fruit, the crackers, the rest of the booze and the general store cupboard. Quite a lot for a foody on her own, eh? Pssst! Prosecco was £5 in the Co-op this week!)

My new GPS device: So far I have not flung it at the wall but it is very difficult to learn which is very frustrating because I just want to get out there with it!  The device manual tells you how to use the device, but to know how to plot map data from the computer into the device, in order to use it, you have to rely on online tutorials. These don't go into enough detail, they don't go slowly enough and the layout on the screen they show you is not the same as your own. Two techno-loving chappies are coming over tomorrow night - Ian's colleague and his partner - and they will know what to do, but I think I may have to lend them it for a few days so they can learn how to teach me. I'm going away to stay with a friend next week and I really want to be using it by then.

Weather: Foul one day, good the next. You just don't know where you are with it. Oh, we had a white Christmas - in theory! Snow fell fast and thick between 10 am and 10.30 and was all gone by 11! But one flake makes a white Christmas. But it's horrid today and I wish I could be out.

Meeting friends: More difficult than I thought. My village chums all agreed we could go in and out of each other's houses over Christmas just as we wished. Suzanne across the corner was especially pressing about coming over for drinks and snacks, so I called one day but turned up at a bad time when she and her hubby were putting away a carload of shopping but she was most insistent I stay and have tea and scones anyway. She was working Christmas Day so I took pity on her hubby and asked him over for a drink with us, but as I had to be out of the room a lot tending to the goose etc, it was left to my guests to keep him company. I called on them yesterday but they were obviously busy with their new presents: keyboard and karaoke. They insisted again that I have drinks and crisps, which I did, then they wanted to play with their toys so urged me to have a go on the karaoke. The songs were all rock and pop so I hardly knew any of them and they were pitched too low, but an octave above sounded silly so I left feeling very inadequate. They invited me to see the New Year in with them and their karaoke but I declined. I take no pleasure in sitting watching other people do karaoke. Anyway I just wanted to remember last New Year and think about hubby. You may call it wallowing in it but maybe sometimes I just want to wallow. I won't always, but just for now I do.

So, not wanting to be in anyone's way today, I'm spending the day just catching up with things like ironing, cleaning the oven (YUCK!) and preparing for a friend coming tomorrow for lunch, then the lads the next night. I don't mind. I've never really 'got' New Year anyway.